Can’t See Yourself Like Others Do? Here’s Why – And How to Change That

It’s a truth universally acknowledged: women, no matter how successful or accomplished, often struggle to see themselves as others see them.

Why is that? Why can’t we embrace the magic everyone else sees in us?

It’s a question I hear time and again from my coaching clients, and it’s what we’re diving into in today’s blog – inspired by Episode 75 of the Self.Styled.Life Podcast. You can listen to the episode here, or on your favourite podcast player. Or, keep reading to learn more.

The Impact of Doubt

Let’s start with a little context. A KPMG study showed that 75% of female executives have experienced imposter syndrome during their careers. It’s a startling statistic, but for many of us, it feels painfully familiar.

When we ask ourselves, Why can’t I see what others see in me?, it often comes from a place of self-doubt. Even when we’re achieving, growing, and receiving positive feedback, we still feel like we’re falling short.

Why Can’t You See Your Own Magic?

Here’s the first big revelation: we’ve never been taught to see our strengths.

Think about it. From a young age, we’re conditioned to focus on our weaknesses. School report cards highlight areas for improvement, and the world around us – from advertising to corporate culture – often tells us we’re “not enough.”

Over time, this leads to a pattern: we overlook our strengths and instead fixate on what we think we need to fix.

But the good news? With the right tools and a shift in mindset, we can absolutely start to see the magic within ourselves.

A Simple Exercise to Help You See Yourself

Recently, I tried a new approach with one of my clients, and it was a game-changer. Here’s what we did:

1. List Your Superpowers
   Start by quieting your inner critic and listing everything you’re great at – the things that come naturally to you. These could be personal or professional traits, like empathy, analytical skills, or leadership.For my client, the initial list included:
   • Empathy
   • Strong relationship-building skills
   • Problem-solving
   • Growth mindset
   I helped her refine the list further, adding: magnetic, articulate, and a great communicator.
2. Turn Them Into a Story
   Once you have your list, describe yourself from the perspective of someone who admires you. Here’s what I told my client:“When anyone near you looks your way, they see a dedicated, empathetic leader who builds strong relationships and approaches challenges with a sharp intellect. You’re magnetic, articulate, and an exceptional communicator – a true woman of influence.”Seeing her superpowers through someone else’s eyes left my client overwhelmed – but also empowered.
3. Record and Reflect
   Write this description down or record it on your phone. Play it back whenever self-doubt creeps in. Over time, hearing these truths about yourself will help you shift your mindset.

Your Turn: Discover Your Magic

You don’t need a coach to start this exercise – you can do it yourself! Here’s how:

1. Take 10 minutes to write down your strengths. Think broadly across all areas of your life.
2. Turn those strengths into a descriptive paragraph, imagining how your best friend might describe you to someone else.
3. Record the paragraph on your phone and listen to it regularly.

This practice can transform how you see yourself, helping you focus on your strengths instead of your perceived weaknesses.

Seeing Yourself As Others Do

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear about your experience with the exercise. Feel free to drop me a note or connect on social media to share your story.

And remember: recognising your strengths isn’t just about boosting your confidence – it’s about embracing your potential and stepping into your power.

Until next time, stay fabulous.